Technology World: Drive me NUTS

I only want to say one thing: I HATE DOING SOMETHING THAT I'M NOT GOOD AT. Damn yeah. Goshhhhh I am struggling with my major. I feel like I am drowning in 'technology insanity'. Help me someone please, because maybe after 2 years from now I will lost in the madness of 'programmers-should-do'  -if you know what I mean.

I forget to tell you about what I'm doing now, which is be an informatics engineering student in one of the state islamic universities in Jakarta. Combined technology and religion aspects?never come to my mind. Is it crazy? Yes. Drive me crazy? ABSOLUTELY. I never imagined my life with technolgy, because my relationship with technology is not really good... i remember when I was in high school, my phone was broke 3 times in a month, and I don't know how to fixed it. Soooooo entering engineering school is beyond imagination lol.

So, we'll see. I'm going to this...

Or this...

Trust your self more

Hi visitors, how's life going?good or bad?or just so so?
It's pretty bad for me because mine is pretty chaos. I have a lot of assignments to do and final examination for this semester is waiting for me in front of my door haha. Okay.. well, it's not a good sign, right? So, I'm in a rush to study hard for my exams tomorrow. But before I come back to my reality, I want to write my story. Not a story exactly, more like an experience.

Today, I have a final examination, it is about data communications. I have studied hard so far, really hard. Until I had to wake up last night because I was overthinking about today's examination. I have repeated it for 3 times! A whole lessons, can you imagine that? But when I was sitting in the chair, and looked up the paper, I was shocked, the whole memories of the lesson was gone... missing. dissapear. It took maybe 5 minutes for me to brought the memories back and then I started to write what I remembered. I have done my essay in 30-45 minutes, I looked up the multichoices part, I choosed one by one until 4 numbers left. But wait.. I remembered what my lecturer said to me, 1 number wrong it means you got minus 1. And then I started to think again all of my answers. In the end, I decided to let 1 number empty and answer the remaining numbers with my magic feeling. And the result was... the 3 numbers is wrong, totally wrong. And one left empty number, the answer is like what I have been expected before. If.. I trust my self more, I will put a right answer in my paper, and I feel pretty terrible about it. I know I'm a little bit perfectionist, but for me every little thing is counted and it sucks to knowing that. The lesson I take from that is: I need to trust my self more, don't doubt about anything you think you're right. So.. yeah. That's still terrible for me.

Happy Mother's Day

I see sparks all around your eyes
That I never seen in any other beautiful creatures
You smile with your eyes, even I know you have been through hard days of your life
I can feel the honesty, the sincerity in your warm arms
That I never felt in any other ways

I know I have been rough on you
I have been left scars on you
I have been put so much pain on you
But.. you have to know one thing
I never mean to do that
And I love you more than anything, anything, including my life

I am sorry I can't be a person whom you always asked for
I am sorry I can't be a daughter whom you always dreamed of
I am sorry I can't be a girl who draws your boring life and gives a smile in your face
I am sorry I always be the one who drops your tears from your beautiful eyes

I am really sorry for what I have done to you
You are the greatest gift that I have ever received and it sent directly from God
You are the only thing I always remember in every single of my prayer
That's how I truly feel about you.. Mom

No one can be trusted

It is funny to knowing that life is a game, yes.. it always getting harder and harder everytime you want to quit, but in the end, you just can't, you'd stay. You are struggling with memories and past, and you don't move, even an inch either. Throwing all those stuff away, only makes you suffer.

Life is a cycle of human life, I don't know about it exactly, but life seems like a movie, all genres. Bringing tears, laugh and thrill. How funny it was? Pretty pathetic, maybe?

You are not only dealing with problems, but also people and PEOPLE WHO MAKE PROBLEMS. It doesn't matter you're good, you're bad, you're an asshole, you're an angel, you're still wrong. Even when you lived, and getting born, it was a mistake. All you can do is doing you're best, more and more you want to reach the top, there are always anyone who want you to falling down. But in the end, they just can laugh and make fun of you, talking shit without prove. It is hard, but it is one step ahead to be in the next level of your life. 

I always say it to my self, if a part of me want to quit and give up, "At least, you try your best." But I'm sick of this, I'm tired, I wanna break, I wanna quit at this point, then I will say, "At least you do it."
So.. whatever you do, whether it's good, whether nobody wants to see it, but try it, at least try, because no matter what you do, there is no one who perfectly fits with you, there is no one who completely has the same mind with you. People will judge, people will hate you, whatever they will do, you will strong in your place and build you strongest construction, hoping no one will ruins it and falling it apart because of your strong principle.

Be different, be confident, be brave, change the world. Follow your heart, but don't forget to use your logic, because heart without brain is like a body without blood, empty and die.

Remember this: No can be trusted, NO ONE.