Dear my self at 24,
Hi, are you okay? are you alright? you look tired.
I am yourself at 25. It is 15th of June 2020. 15 days past after your 25th birthday my dearest Calysta. 24 was crazy, right? but open your heart, your mind, your self. I know you were tired, just take a rest.
You were emotionally unstable, you were easily get stressed, you were naive, you were stubborn and selfish, you were not thinking clearly, you were easily get sick and depressed, you were too honest and you were ambitious, you were easily get offended... you looked at your friends who just getting married in their early age of relationship, and you were so offended with no engagement in almost 9 years of having "relationship" with this person. Hello sweetheart.. since when getting married become the new achievement ya, Cal? you were easily get angry if anyone dare to ask you about marriage hahaha, and yes you would yelled to him and become a starving tiger hahaha, you knew what, I still do not get it. But yes I have to say I still have that feeling sometimes, but now it was not like an anger, but more like a confusion, how should I answer that stupid question? because i have no idea when i get married, who has an idea or an exact answer with that question? i think people doesn't expect any honest answer for that. yeah, they were just prep-talking, and please do not be too serious with that hahaha. Marriage is marriage.. it is not a competition, it is just one phase of a life, or I just can say, next level of your life. But I agree, you deserved to be angry to him, but do not lose your mind and faith, because if someone doesn't treated you right, you deserved a better treatment. One key : believe in your prayer and just take a deep breathe. But yeah, you were my silly pumpkin i love you.
Thanks to you, for opening my eyes that not everyone is good. You believed in people so easily, you talked as if nothing will happened to you, you acted blindly, not thinking clearly, and put your emotion first more than anything. Not everyone you know was good person, you should be more cautious about that, not everyone thought about you the same as you thought about them, sometimes you just misunderstand it and you just let yourself drowned. I know dear, you wanted to become a positive person, but that was not a good way to start. You were become mad, disappointed with people, you thought that why people didn't feel the same way as you did, why people did not thank you for what you have done to them, why people just get easily mocked you in front of everyone when you always tried to keep their feelings. Become positive is not trusting, it is different. You had become easily get depressed, sick and stressed because of that. And for all those negativity and toxicity people brought to you, put it on the garbage and just move on, do not say a word and just leave, you have a right to cut the line between you and those negativity people brought to your head, make you feel bad. Just do not be overthinking about it. Put that on the trash. You deserved to be happy and surrounded yourself with good people.
You were so naive girl! Please.. politics is exist. You cannot get what you want without strategy, and thinking that everything needs "technical effort". You were not a college girl anymore. Please be smarter with that, cause you have learned in class. Be classy always, I am still learning to be that way. That was okay.
I appreciate your hard work for making this far to be a postgraduate student. It was not easy for you to maintain both roles as an employee and a student at the same time. You still keep your expectation high and be a perfectionist, but let's make it less, for your own good. I am so proud of your hard work, really. You let yourself sleepless for 3 days in a row for doing examinations, you were reading many articles to get your homework done on time, you let your weekend gone too soon, you missed many events just to be right on time on your class, I am so proud of you really. Someday, your hard work will be paid off, I believe that. Thank you for taught me so much. To be a better me in the future.
Yours sincerely,
Calysta Merina, the age of 25
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